SHOULD KIDS' BEDROOMS BE PRIVATE?

 I have heard arguments for and against parents ‘invading their kids’ space’.

Yes, I agree that children should have a place that they call their own.

A child's bedroom is:

• Their sanctuary. 
• Their own special place to play, read, rest and sleep without being disturbed. 
• A place to set up tea parties for their dolls or create castles and dragons.
• A place where they keep all the stuff that is dear to them.
• A place where girls write their diaries and boys plan their next escapades. 
• A place where they can play with their friends or just daydream.

Tidiness:
I have heard many parents say the kids’ bedrooms are their own domain and if they
can live in what resembles an ‘explosion in a mattress factory’ then so be it!
I disagree. I think that children need to be taught that respect includes keeping their
rooms tidy. They need to learn to care for their own stuff and know that everything
has a place … other than the floor, the bed or the doorknob. Part of teaching children
to be tidy involves parents inspecting their bedrooms every week.

Safety:
For their own safety, you need to know what is going on in every room in your home.
For that reason your children need to understand that you will inspect their rooms
whenever you choose. Too many times we have seen on the news that kids have been
experimenting with explosives, drugs or been looking at pornography on the TVs or
computers in their bedrooms. I can’t think of one time that parents, upon being questioned
by the media, have had any idea their kids were into illegal, unsafe or unsavory practices
in their own home.

 Our responsibility:
As parents we have the responsibility, to the best of our ability, to keep our children, our
home and our immediate neighborhood safe. In order to achieve this, we must be aware
of everything that is going on under our own roof and particularly in the ‘privacy’ of our
kids’ bedrooms. We should observe our children’s behavior and monitor their friendships.

Bedrooms need to be a fun, safe and peaceful place to be. We need to teach our kids not only
to keep them tidy, but also to be prepared for the fact that we will come in and check them at
frequent intervals.

By Sally Burgess

PUNCTUALITY

One of the greatest lessens in life is punctuality.  Why should we teach our kids to be punctual?

When you don't get there on time -
1.  You will miss out.  The bus will be gone.  The door will be closed.  You will miss the opportunity.
2.  You show disrespect to those who were on time and are waiting for you.
3.  You demonstrate a lack of planning and you spoil others' plans.
4.  You create an element of distrust amongst those who are relying on you.

How do we teach our kids to be punctual?
1. Be a role model.
2. Explain why they need to be on time (see above) and how to prepare beforehand to BE on time.
3. Create and act on consequences for being late e.g.
   a) If you are going shopping and there is someone staying home who can look after them, go without the child.
   b) If they miss the bus and it is possible to walk with them, make them walk.
   c) If they don't come when they are told the meal is served, take it away and don't give them anything else.  I can
       guarantee they will not do it again.
   d) When they are late, have them apologize for being disrespectful to the person concerned.
   e) Create stronger consequences if earlier ones do not correct the problem.
4. Explain what to do if they know they will be late e.g. phone or text the person concerned and give an e.t.a.

If we are regularly late we cannot keep making excuses, we need to just plan our lives better.  Occasionally unavoidable situations occur that prevent punctuality.  However, if we are known for being habitually late we will accrue a very poor reputation and people will not be able to rely on us.

By Sally Burgess

ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD'S POTENTIAL

How can we find those special gifts and talents in our children?  What approach will bring out the very best in them?  Think about your own childhood.  Did you have a particular teacher who knew just how to get the best work from you?  How did he/she do it? Did you have a parent, family member or friend who instilled the kind of confidence and belief in yourself that you surpassed your wildest dreams?

We are created with the 'ingredients' to do the most amazing things, yet most of us never really reach our true potential.  We need to help our kids discover the skills and talents where they really excel.  How do we do that? 

The do's:

• From the time they are toddlers we can observe what they seem to be most interested in, or show aptitude in doing and encourage that.  
• When they start school we observe where they shine.  We get them into activities that will enhance their talents even further.  
• We make sure that their lives are balanced between their favorite activities, their school work and home responsibilities.
• We need to give each child the same opportunities.
• Kids want role models from within the family.  They want heroes.  
• Kids need to see us working towards self-fulfillment so they might get caught up in pursuing the same.  It is never too late to follow your dreams.
• We all respond to encouragement and recognition.  Kids, especially, need praise for effort NOT just for success.

The dont's:

• It is vital not to push our kids into activities they are not suited to.  If it isn't working for them, try something else.  We are helping them find their potential, not living our own unfulfilled dreams through them.
• We shouldn't fall into the trap of buying them 'every instrument in the orchestra' when they are just not into music.  Just one activity at a time is what they need.  They can't become excellent in any one thing if they have too many irons in the fire.
• We must not be unrealistic.  Our expectations for our children need to be high, but not crushing.  There is nothing worse than never feeling good enough.  They need to just do THEIR best, not be THE best.

When children excel they feel a great sense of satisfaction.  They receive praise and recognition from others which naturally gives them confidence.  Through it all, they learn several important things - patience, persistence and a deep sense that they they are using the abilities they were destined to pursue (not that they could vocalize that).  They, with your help and encouragement, their teachers recognition and other significant people's contributions help define their potential and set them on the road to fulfillment.

By Sally Burgess

WHY THE WORD 'CHORES'?

 I wonder where the word 'chores' came from?  That word always makes me think of drudgery - stuff you have to do, but yet, don't like doing! 

In our parenting sessions, when talking about helping around the house, we focus on the family being a team where everyone works together to create a great, smooth running home environment.  Each person takes responsibility for particular tasks which are all part of the daily routine.  Requiring children to be involved in everyday home management prepares them for working together with others throughout their lives.  Once the tasks are completed there is time for individual and family fun.  By praising them for work well done, children feel valuable contributors, thus eliminating the temptation to pay them for 'chores'.

Let's get rid of the term 'chores' and think of a more positive name for daily responsibilities. Tasks?  Duties? Pleasures? Angel work? Have you any thoughts? 

2 a.m. TODDLER PLAYTIME? NOT!

It is suggested that toddlers need 10-11 hours sleep each night.  If they take naps during the day, then those nap times can be added on top of that.  It is a good idea to allow kids of up to 5-6 years old to at least rest, if not sleep, during the day.

You can often gauge if your toddler is getting enough sleep by his behavior during wake hours.  If he is irritable, has emotional outbursts, rubs his eyes or yawns, then he is ready for a nap.  He just may not be getting enough good quality sleep.  Children who are regularly disturbed during sleep time also display signs of tired behavior.

If you are having issues getting your toddler to bed or ensuring they sleep all night, here are some suggestions:

1) Pre-bedtime routines.  These give the signal to toddlers that it is time to be thinking of sleep.  These routines should include passive activities such as quiet play, bath time, a story read to them and then into bed.  Vigorous activities, stimulating TV, loud noise and the like wind kids up rather than put them into a sleepy frame of mind. There should also be a particular time they are in bed. 

2) Constant calling out or getting out of bed should be discouraged.  If you ensure they have been to the bathroom (older pre-schooler), set them up with their favorite Teddy, a drink nearby (for the older toddler) and the door ajar, there should be no reason for them to want to get out of bed constantly.  This becomes a habit which some parents seem to indulge without realizing it.  Also, a parent lying with a child until they go to sleep can also become an unnecessary habit which can go on for years!

3) Night time fears, night terrors etc.  Fear of the dark can be a real issue with children.  In fact, I would suggest that we have all been afraid of the dark, especially imagining things like monsters under the bed!  So, no spooky night time stories.  Be aware of older siblings scaring younger ones just to tease them.  Watch the TV content.  We soon forget the TV show's very graphic and scary scenes, even on the news.  Having a night light just bright enough to show you where the child is is an excellent idea.  Night terrors sometimes occur, but are often more alarming to the on-looker than the child.  Do not wake the child, but just hold him close to you with the light off.  Soothe them until they settle. 

Some source material: Dr. Alex Bartle, Founder of Sleep Well Clinics

STOP THE BICKERING

Doesn't it just wear you out when your kids bicker all the time? Why do they do it? Why did we bicker and fight as kids? Bickering seems to be inevitable in our homes, but it doesn't have to be.

Here are some suggestions:

1. Check the general atmosphere in your home. Is it positive or negative most of the time?
2. Observe each child and see if they appear unhappy about things.
3. Spend one-on-one time with that child and find out what is bothering them. The child’s 
attitude might change drastically when they are assured that they are loved and valued.
4. Look at your own conflict management as parents. Do you bicker? You don't have to. There are positive ways to settle differences and stop the negativity.
5. Create a 'non-bickering' rule in your home. Develop a formula to resolve issues and train your kids to follow it.

For example, use "The Three Word Rule."

a) STOP - Take a deep breath.
b) THINK - Is this really worth fighting over? Is bickering and arguing solving the issue? NO
c) ACT -  Work together to get what you want. It might be as simple as taking turns.

To attain and maintain a peaceful home you need to to make a strong stand against bickering between family members. It causes no useful purpose and often stems from selfishness. Respect is a huge plus in any family and immediately changes the tone.

Bickering is a symptom of a problem that hasn't been resolved or a factor that has had no discussion or consequence applied. Find the root of the problem and deal with it quickly. After all, we all want a happy, peaceful home, don't we?

By Sally Burgess

SURE FIRE WAYS TO MAKE KIDS FEEL SECURE

Every child needs:
1. To have their basic needs met: warmth, food, shelter and clothing and rest.

• To know they will be fed regularly, so they don't feel hungry.
• To have their pain soothed quickly.
• To sleep undisturbed for hours at a time.
• To not be left alone.  They need to know that someone will be there when they are sad, afraid or need something.

2.  To feel comfort and security.

• To feel the comfort and security of arms around them, just for hugs or to rock them to sleep.
• To hear the gentle, loving voice of a mother or father to make them feel loved.
• To feel the loving touch or the stroke of a hand on their skin to make them feel accepted and cared for.
• To know they are in a safe, secure environment with the skills to know that to do in case of danger.
• To feel safe from danger.  To know someone is there to protect them at all times.
• To enjoy an everyday routine that takes care of their every need.
• To know adults' expectations and to be taught how to meet them.
• To experience caring and consistent parenting.

3. To feel valued

• Once the above needs are met, a child learns to trust those who care for them.
• To be asked for their opinion or ideas lets them know that what they say and do makes a difference.
• To be included in adult conversations at times.
• To be given opportunities to learn as much as they can.  Knowledge creates confidence.
• To be able to discover and develop their special abilities and passions.
• To be given responsibilities at home and school.
• To be given praise and encouragement for work well done.
• To be corrected in a timely, fair manner.

One of the greatest yet simplest things you can give to a child is your smile - especially when you look right into their eyes when you do.  A smile is a wonderful expression that, without a word, tells them you love and accept them, that you care about what they are saying or doing and that you are happy they belong to you.

SNEAKY ACTS OF KINDNESS

      They say, 'It is better to give than receive', but when you are a kid that doesn't sound like much fun.  After all, what can be more exciting than receiving gifts for birthdays and Christmas?  It takes quite a big brain shift for kids to consider GIVING as fun.  It isn't their fault.  From the moment of their birth they are given things and as time goes by they get right into the expectancy of stuff continuing to flow their way.
       It wasn't until I had my own money, that I realized how much fun it was to give someone a surprise gift.  The process of picking just the right thing, wrapping it up and then watching the recipient's face when they opened it was a real thrill for me.  I got the bug and started cooking up surprises, treasure hunts etc just for the fun of it.  Sometimes when I am out shopping I see something and buy it just because I think a friend would like it.  Sometimes, I just take someone out to lunch or a coffee for an hour.
       As you are aware, we consider a successful family as one that is parent-directed, family-orientated and outwardly-focused. Sneaky acts of kindness come into the 'outwardly-focused' category. They don't have to involve money.  Our kids should be encouraged to do something thoughtful for someone else as part of their everyday lives. It has an enormous effect on the one who receives the kind gesture or gift.

Here is a suggestion:
Choose one day a month for each person in the family to perform an act of kindness towards someone in the family.  Sarah makes brother Jonnie's bed because he hasn't done it yet.  Travis sets the table for Sue because she is still doing her homework.  Cameron helps Mrs. Jones load her shopping into the car.  Dad mows the neighbor's yard while they are on vacation.  Jane uses her pocket money to give a needy child shoes.  Jason gives some of his toys to the local play center.

It is fun being sneaky when it comes to surprising someone by doing a good deed.  It gets our kids out of the 'gimme, gimme' mentality and into a selfless mode of being kind 'just because' and of proactive observance and response to people's needs.

Another suggestion:
Nominate regular times of family-wide acts of kindness.  During family meetings you can all decide on one organized family endeavor per month.  Make some cookies and take them to a sick neighbor.  Adopt a struggling family for Christmas.  Support a child through an organization such as Compassion International, volunteer on a local Habitat for Humanity project.  Offer to watch a friend's kids for the weekend so they can have a break.

Once your family has got into the happy habit of performing sneaky acts of kindness, it should become a self-regulated pattern of behavior.  It will become unnecessary to set days of the month to do these things.  You have instilled a great quality into your children and your family will stand out as a valuable model for others to follow.

By Sally Burgess

HELPING CHILDREN THROUGH MAJOR ISSUES

We are all afraid when it comes to any kind of emergency or catastrophe.  We sound scared.  We are scared and it takes us all of our energy to work through it.  Our children feel our fear and we often don't realize just how much they need assurance that they will be OK.  They look to us to be their protectors and heroes and don't know what to do when they see us upset or losing our usual cool demeanor.

I know it is very difficult when in the middle of some major crisis to be calm around your kids.  I have been there a number of times and I was so engrossed in the problem that I can't say I really shielded my kids from it. 

There are several important things to remember.  Take time to explain to your children a LITTLE of what is happening if it is appropriate, and assure them that you will all get through it.  It is vital that you shield them as far as possible from the stress you are feeling, and when there is good news, to make sure they know it.

By Sally Burgess

HOW MUCH ATTENTION SHOULD A CHILD GET?

 Seems like a simple question, but the answer can be complicated. We are all raised differently and experience varying levels of attention from our families. So let me lay it out this way:

All kids need the same amount of attention. All kids require a lot of attention. It just depends how much attention you have to give based on your priorities and/or responsibilities. I can already hear many of you saying, "Well, my kid has special needs and I have to tend to him all day long", or "My kid is a bit of a loner and doesn't really need that much attention from me."  Let me re-emphasize that ALL kids need the same amount of attention. 

Some kids get a disproportionate amount of attention and some kids don't get enough. Multiple child homes often give one kid more attention than another for various reasons, such as behavioral issues or medical needs. A middle child is often left out or looked over, sparking the term 'middle child syndrome'. Some even favor one child over another because they perform better and seem to show more passion and drive than the other. I am here to tell you that the amount of attention you pay your children, whether it is too much or not enough, directly affects their behavior. 

What if our kids are asking for more attention than we can give? We are working parents, sports enthusiasts, music lovers, hobbyists, PTA moms, taxi drivers to our kids events, careerists and are involved in many other activities. It's so hard to balance our own lives with being a parent and making sure the needs of our children are met. Guess what! Our children see our distractions and spend much of their time trying to get our attention. If they don't get it, they will do whatever it takes to make us take notice, even if it means doing something awful. 

So how much is enough attention? You'll know by the way your child behaves in general. If you have a child that throws tantrums, hits a sibling, destroys things, screams or yells, then they may not be getting enough. If they have an attitude, become quiet and withdrawn, act spoiled and demanding, or are narcissistic, they are likely getting too much attention. Here are some examples of parent types. Maybe you can relate to one or more of them:

The Unengaged Parent - this parent is usually busy with work, keeping things tidy, doing extracurricular activities, spending time on electronic devices (i.e. TV, phones, gaming systems) and don't have much eye contact or conversation with their kids during the day.

The Tiger Mom or Tiger Parents - there is a name for a mother (typically in the Asian community) that refers to a parent who is solely driven by success for their children. From a very young age the kids are put into music lessons, early education classes. They watch no  television, have no social activities and expectations are extremely high that the child becomes a success at school and in future business. There is a lot of discipline involved and the parents are overly involved in their child's life.

The Over-Compensating Parent - these parents are often victims of neglect or hardship and want better for their children than what they had. They are often spoiling their kids with lots of toys because they never had any. Or they don't discipline their kids at all because they themselves were abused. Because of this, the children are often victims of a different type of neglect. No structure or rules leave them trying to push boundaries as far as they will go until the law steps in.

These are just a few of the different styles of parenting out there. Maybe you relate to them or maybe you have a pretty level form of parenting with happy children. I suspect the latter may be less likely since you are reading this blog. But even if you do relate to the above examples, it's not too late to change it. Your kids will spend the rest of their lives trying to get attention from you and the people that are closest to them. Even if they don't respect you or have become estranged from you or seem like they don't care, they do everything they do to get praise from you. When your child comes home from school with a B instead of a C on their report card, don't lecture them on how they should have gotten an A (Tiger Moms), or glance up from your computer and say, "That's nice, Dear", and then go back to what you were doing (Unengaged Parent). Your child is so excited about their achievement and they just want to hear that you are proud of them and receive congratulations. When they see the attention they get from doing better, they will continue to strive even harder. No matter how simple the activity or issue is, laugh with your child, cry with your child, get excited with your child. That is how they learn confidence in you and in others. If you don't show them attention, they will look for it somewhere else. If you show too much negative attention, they will shy away from speaking to you at all for fear of disappointing you. If you keep giving them the things they want all the time instead of allowing them the privilege of earning it, they will take advantage of you and others. 

Fathers, show your daughters how a man should treat a woman so that they look for the right men later on in life. Be an example in how you treat your wife. Girls often marry men like their fathers.

Mothers, show your sons how to wash clothes, cook, clean and be a man of integrity. Your future daughter-in-law will thank you profusely!

Spend at least 15-30 minutes in the morning, and afternoon doing nothing but playing on the floor with your kids. Don't answer the phone or have the TV on or get distracted with household chores. Give them undivided attention and you will notice a dramatic difference in their behavior. If you're a mother of boys, don't be afraid to wrestle with them on the floor and make forts out of blankets and build tracks for their cars. And if you are a mother of girls, have a tea party with them, play barbies and do dress ups, and let them finger paint or cook with you. When we play with our kids they feel important to you and they feel loved and respected. They are less likely to demand constant attention all day long if they get a solid block of time with you. If, once that time is up, they demand more, then tell them that you will play with them once you have finished what you are working on. 

They also need to learn to respect your time, too. This also allows them to learn to play on their own. Maybe you could give them a challenge or a project to do. If they know you will be proud of their efforts, they will gladly do it. If you have multiple kids, allot times during the day to spend with each of them so that they get your sole attention and aren't sharing it with a sibling. Have one-on-one dates with your kids. These are priceless memories that your children will never forget. And don't forget to make time for your spouse. They are often neglected and need your attention, too. There are only so many hours in a day and so many days in a week. You can certainly find 30 minutes or an hour in your 24 hour day to spend with your kids, and you can find a couple of hours a week to spend with your spouse. 

You can do it! I believe in you! Try these things and let me know if you notice any changes in your kids. And please give feedback on this as everyone's experiences vary so drastically.

by Kristee Mays

DO YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO EAT HEALTHY ON A BUDGET?

For most of us there is a huge desire to serve our children healthy alternatives to the junk we are bombarded with on a daily basis. If you have ever set out to buy only healthy foods and realized that you can't afford to eat Organic, then here is a great article on how you can achieve it on a budget.
Healthy kids are much more receptive to learning and growing and flourishing. The more chemicals they are fed, the more bogged down they get and can't concentrate. Their hormones and mood changes are heavily affected by what they eat. So if you can try to replace at least one junk item at a time with a healthy alternative, you will notice a dramatic difference in their behavior and attitude.

Healthy eating on budget

TIPS TO ENCOURAGE GREAT STUDY HABITS IN YOUR KIDS

1. Create a positive attitude in your kids.

• From their very early years, kids need to understand that learning is exciting and fun.  By reading them books and encouraging imaginative play - with boxes, plain paper, crayons, egg cartons, yarn, pipe cleaners, building blocks etc,  they get a real sense of accomplishment when they have invented something for themselves.
• Let your kids see that you like to learn new things, too.  They love to see your excitement when you achieve a goal.
• Kids who are constantly praised for positive steps in their learning will want to succeed.

2. Be involved in the kid's play and school work.

• Kids love to please you.  They want you to be interested in what they are learning about at home and at school.   They need your enthusiasm and your guidance.
• One-on-one time with your kids is priceless. 

3.  Establish study routines.

• Allow kids time to wind down when they come home from school.  Don't plague them with questions about their day the minute they walk in the door unless you want one word answers.
• Set a specific time for your kids to start homework each day, preferably before chores.
• Make a minimum study period each day so that even if they say they do not have homework, this time is set aside for them to read, create or revise.
• Where possible, be available to assist with homework especially in the preteen years.  As they advance through high school, they do need to become independent in their study, but it is still important for them to see that you are interested in what they are studying and give assistance where you can.

4. Provide conditions conducive to effective study.

• If possible, provide a quiet atmosphere with a table or desk and good light.
• Alleviate distractions such as phone, TV, radio, Ipods, MP3s or other people making noise around them.

5. Teach effective study skills.

• Study skills can be readily found by searching the internet.  These skills will help them retain information and therefore improve their understanding and grades.

By Sally Burgess

WHO SAID THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE?

I don't know why the word 'failure' is such a taboo word these days.  People do fail and therefore have to learn how to deal with it.  By not acknowledging failure we are ignoring the fact that it is real, that it hurts and that it causes loss of time, money, a job, a race or a game for example.  Most of all we lose self confidence.

How should we deal with failure?

Acknowledge it - e.g. you had a goal and missed it; you tried to do something and it didn't work; you failed an exam; you didn't meet someone's expectations.

Evaluate the situation - What happened? Why did it happen? - was I not well enough prepared? Did I just not do a good enough job? Was I trying to do do too many things at once and didn't give enough time to it? Did I make the wrong decision?

Accept It - Acknowledge, accept and allow for feelings hurt and personal disappointment.

Plan for it - Work out a plan to fix it or do better next time.

Points to consider in helping ourselves and our kids deal with failure:
a) If we find ourselves immediately blaming someone else for the failure, we are not being realistic about our part in the situation and are therefore not accepting responsibility.
b) If we get stuck in the hurt and disappointment phase, we can easily wallow in the failure, never repair our self esteem and never experience the satisfaction of reaching the goal we first set off to achieve.
c) We are not always in control of success.  We can be totally prepared to win a race but someone else just happens to be better than us.  We may apply for a job but someone else has more experience or qualifications than we do.We cannot always be THE best but we can always DO our best.
d) We need to have realistic expectations of our children and not set the bar so high that the goals are impossible to achieve.
c) It is a good idea to have a friend or mentor help us get back on track after failure.  That person will help us set goals, keep on task and be there to celebrate our subsequent successes.

by Sally Burgess

A FRESH NEW YEAR

It's that time of year again when we all reflect on last year's achievements or failures and try to make a plan to do it better this time around. The change might be eating healthier, exercising more, going for that promotion, taking that coveted vacation, having children or becoming a grandparent, graduating, getting married or doing that thing you've always been too scared to do.

Whatever you want to achieve this year, make one of your goals to be the best parent, grandparent, son, daughter, brother or sister you can be. When I strive to continually improve as a person, I know that I positively affect everything and everyone else around me. Enthusiasm and drive are infectious and people want to be around those who push themselves to be better. It's also healthy to be around people who encourage us to want to do greater things.

So, in saying that, if you're struggling with parenting and/or marriage, be the one who takes a step in the direction of positive change. If it's broken, it's obviously not working and needs to be healed. We are all inherently selfish and want others to change. However, we can only change ourselves, and in so doing, make our own lives and homes happier. Decide how to actively work on making changes. If you are not sure how to get there, look at someone you admire and ask them how they do it.

My challenge to you is this. Wake up every morning and think how you can make other people's lives better today. When we do this, we create a safe and loving environment that has no room for negativity, breakdowns and strife. A person who feels loved will love others.

These are my personal goals for this year:
* To be a more patient and less frustrated parent. With two toddlers, it's easy to get agitated and reactive.
* To teach my children about giving to others in need. I plan to help support several causes that will help children in impoverished nations and also widows in nations that don't take care of their own. If my children don't see me do it, they may never know what it means to think of anybody but themselves.
* To wake up every morning and think how I can make my family and others feel more positive about themselves and how I can give them the tools to get there.

Happy New Year everyone. I pray that this is a fantastic year for you. If it's a trying year, I pray that God will have mercy and give you the strength to stand strong through it all. You have us as a family to lean on and we love you very much.


Lots of love,

Kristee Mays (Forefront Families)

a

HOW DID THAT FAMILY GET SUCH WELL BEHAVED CHILDREN??

Have you ever looked at someone else's family and thought, "How on earth do they get their kids to be so well behaved all the time?" As you know it doesn't just happen.  There is no 'Genie in a bottle'.  It is hard work.

It has a little bit to do with the child's temperament they were born with. Some parents are lucky in that way, but even those angel-faced kids have moments of pushing boundaries and causing your blood pressure to rise to boiling point. But what do you do if you have a child or children born with a strong will and feisty behavior?  One, that from the moment they were born they were a handful. These children have been affectionately termed as "high needs" and given a bad rap from day one.

It is important to remember that the goal of your children is not to make you miserable. They are often just acting out of pain, frustration, boredom, and/or anger. Children haven't learned to be conniving and vindictive yet. They are simply acting from instinct. Our human instinct is to survive and be loved. That goal, in and of itself, leans towards selfishness. We know what we want and we want it now! When someone tells us we can't have it, it makes us desire it more. We are very persistent beings until we are distracted by something more appealing or coerced to believe we don't really want or need the thing we hunger for. 

So, with that said, parents who have angel kids at the restaurant that just sit there and eat their dinner without drawing negative attention are very blessed. Those children are a product of both nature and nurture. They have been taught the right way to behave in public. I'm sure there were many times they misbehaved on the way to being the angel face you see today.

Consistent parenting is the key. Here's what you can do:

* Decide on the values you want for your family e.g. honesty, loyalty, obedience, forgiveness,
   integrity, trust
* From those values, explain your expectations to your children.  What will these values 
   look like in your home?
* Train your children and allow them to make mistakes
* Praise them for getting things right. It is far better than constantly being negative
* Give them responsibility around the home
* Set consequences - the more severe should be reserved for those values you feel most  
   strongly about
* Be consistent - both parents must stand together. Don't over-react to the little things

Your children want to please you, so it is vital to give them lots of quality time, praise, love, and intellectual and physical stimulation. If they are a small child and have little attention, they tend to get bored and act out. When they are a teen and have too much time on their hands, it is easy for them to drift along with peers that are similarly bored or angry and get into trouble. As children's needs are met, you will find less protest or rebellion from them. (Of course, I'm not talking about kids that may have a behavioral disorder. They have an entirely different set of issues that cannot be dealt with in the same way).

This is a topic that cannot be fully addressed or answered in a small blog post. There are so many different dynamics that come into play including divorce, loss, abuse, spoiling, medical conditions of family members, city or country of residence, community support and so on. If you have a contribution or question concerning this topic please feel free to comment below on this blog or go to our Forum and pose a question.


Here is an interesting article from the United Kingdom:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk-children-are-among-worlds-best-behaved-1084597.html



We believe successful families are

1. Parent directed

2. Family oriented

3 Outwardly focused

By Kristee Mays and Sally Burgess

THE MANY BLESSINGS CHILDREN BRING

We've been blessed with a child
The birth of a child is a miracle in itself.  When you look down at that precious life in front of you, so perfectly formed, and so innocent, you realize that this baby is a gift.  Whether your child is naturally born, or has been adopted or fostered, they are equally precious.  We can be thankful that they enrich our lives as much as we enrich theirs.

We have a young life to shape
What a privilege to have the ability, right and responsibility to shape a child's life! It’s exciting to see their personality, natural gifts and talents emerging. How amazing it is to be able to help our children find their purpose, to nurture and guide them into their full potential. Although sometimes difficult, it is still very rewarding. Children will be what we allow them to be, so here’s a salute to you in your endeavor to raise extraordinary kids.

We have a young life to be proud of
When our children do their very best in school or achieve an award, it is such a thrill. It gives us a great feeling of satisfaction knowing we have significantly contributed to their successes! When we go to a report card conference and our child’s teacher says, “I wish I had a classroom full of children like yours”, we can be justifiably proud. When our children are in a school play or a concert we feel like telling all the other parents around us, “That’s my child!” When our child graduates High School or College we want to shout it to the rooftops. When our children overcome difficulties and make a successful recovery after failure, we can be especially proud of them. Yes, be proud of your child, and be thankful too!

We have the possibility of having grandchildren
What a blessing grandchildren bring to our lives! As grandparents we can love on them and play with them.  We can enjoy them more because we are relaxed and have more time than we did with our own children (and they will tell you that!). We can have fun times with them and then send them home to their parents. You couldn’t do that with your own children! It’s wonderful to see the similarities of behavior being passed down through the generations.  Be thankful for grandchildren in your future.

We have the opportunity to leave a positive legacy
We look back, and we are thankful for the lives of our children and what they achieved through the years. We see our grandchildren grow and see them eventually become parents. We are grateful that major sickness or accident hasn’t taken them from us. Not everybody is so fortunate. In older age we sit, as it were, on the edge of our seats surveying the pageantry of our lives.

I’m sure that you’re like me and will be full of thanks for all the blessings we’ve been given and for the lives we’ve been able to influence. I want to depart this world with immense gratitude, to leave behind a positive legacy that will change generations to come.

By Brian Burgess

5 WAYS TO HELP PREVENT PUBLIC MELTDOWNS

 1. Have a plan – think ahead about your child’s needs.
- Are they tired before you start shopping?  Do they need a nap?
- Are they hungry – have you got food and drink with you?
- Are they in pain? Are they unconfortable - too hot - too cold?
- Have you got things to distract them?
- If they get agitated what will you do - do you have an exit plan?

2. Discuss Expectations - If they are old enough to comprehend, before you set off for the store tell them where you are going
and what your expectations for their behavior will be.

3. Treat or no treat? - Let your child know beforehand that if they behave as you have asked, you will reward them. Rather than a treat at the store (which is costly and sets you up for potential future meltdowns at the store) you could exchange the reward for something good at home.  "Because you have done as I asked; you walked without running ahead, you didn't touch things on the shelves and you didn't ask for a treat at the store, I am going to let you choose what you want for dinner tonight. Or, I am going to let you have more time playing in the bath. Or, I am going to read you two stories at bedtime."

4. Watch for the signs of agitation -  If you've checked all the above scenarios and the meltdown is already starting, try distracting them with fun activities like, "Who can spot the first person wearing a hat?" Or, "What colors do you see?" etc...If nothing is working and they are now having a full-fledged meltdown, remove them as quickly as possible. Calm yourself – count to 20 slowly. When your child stops crying, explain your expectations again. Depending on their behavior, continue shopping or take them home. Be prepared that you may have to cut your shopping trip short and deal with their behavior. It's a pain, but worth it in the long run.

5. Praise good behavior - Kids love to please you. Verbal praise is often more meaningful and longer lasting than treats as a reward for meeting your expectations. There's nothing wrong with giving store treats every now and then, but kids will often learn to expect a treat every time, which in turn, becomes bribery. It's important to teach kids from an early age that life is not like that in the real world. We are shaping their own set of expectations from day one.

What are some of the ways you have successfully prevented or dealt with a public meltdown?