Forefront Families: LOVING ONE ANOTHER

To truly love someone means to demonstrate a profound, tender, and passionate affection for them. If we really love one another, we would have perfect family unity. It is quite a stretch to think this could possibly occur with the everyday squabbles and fights we hear or are involved in on a regular basis.

I think that family 'love' has two layers. The top or more superficial layer is where family members generally get along together and the home is relatively peaceful. However, fights break out periodically, usually caused by one person wanting what another has or preceded by someone yelling, "That's not fair!" Such squabbles are really just that and with some parental intervention they dissipate. Deeper love shows when one child in a family is being bullied or threatened in some way by an outsider. This happened with our kids. My son and daughter would bicker and fight at home, but one day when John saw Katie being picked on in the playground, he was in the bully's face immediately, saying menacingly, "If you want to fight my sister, you fight with me!"

We often see the same kind of patriotism or affinity between countries. New Zealanders (Kiwis) and Australians (Aussies) will make pot shot remarks about each other especially related to sport and accent variations. Similarly with Americans and Canadians. However, if war broke out both countries would band together to protect their shores, no matter how big the foe.

LOVE IS A TWO-WAY THING
* Love will not last if it is not returned.
* Each of us needs to feel valued by significant others.
* If we do not feel valued, then it is very difficult for us to give value to others.
* As parents, we need to give equal value to each of our children or they will feel the disparity.
    Sometimes this is very difficult to do when one child requires special attention. Somehow we
have to create a balance and this is where all family members' selfless giving makes all the
    difference.

SUGGESTIONS TO TEACH OUR KIDS TO REALLY VALUE EACH OTHER
1. Once a week or on a regular basis, in a circle or around the meal table, turn to the family member
    on the right and say one thing you like about them e.g. "I liked the way you helped me with the
    dishes." "I like it when you help me with my homework."

2. Play team games where you have to work together to win the game. This teaches them the
    value of cooperating with one another to get the best result.

3. As parents, demonstrate love for one another. Tell each child you love them and add what it is
    you love about them - "I love the way you give me big squeezes." "I love the way you share
    your toys." "I love it that you are so gentle and kind to Sooty (the cat)." "You are so good at art."
    "You always think of others first." "You are such a good friend to your sister!"

4. Check the atmospheric tone of your home on a regular basis. What percentage of time do you
feel tension in the air? Where is this tension stemming from most of the time? Concentrate
on that person or situation and get it dealt with as quickly as possible. Parents are responsible for
ensuring that there is a constant calm, peaceful and happy atmosphere within the family.

5. Teach your kids how to resolve conflict without fighting. For example, give them simple steps:
    a) When you start feeling angry, stop and think about the situation. Does this really matter?
    b) Encourage your kids to talk about it. What does each want? Is it a matter of taking turns?
    c) If they can't resolve the situation they should ask a parent how to deal with it.
    d) They should always apologize for unkind words or actions.
e) They need to learn from the experience and put the correct method into practice next time.

The more we sow and demonstrate love and care to our children, the more likely they are to do the same for their brothers and sisters, friends, those around them and eventually to their own families.

Written by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families LLC