I was quite impressed by this list I saw on FaceBook and thought I would post it and include some comments of my own.
1. IF IT FEELS WRONG, DON'T DO IT.
(Not to be confused with instinctual behavior in point 4 below)
For something to feel 'wrong', we need to have a sufficiently developed awareness and/or
conscience to realize the fact. Training and life experience will show us what circumstances to
avoid. Unless a child is told clearly that getting into a car with a man offering sweets is dangerous
and not to do it, a child may think the situation is fine. An important part of protecting our children
is to talk through scenarios with them to prepare them to make wise decisions when they are on
their own. This includes one-on-one chats where kids feel safe to ask questions and seek advice.
2. SAY 'EXACTLY' WHAT YOU MEAN!
Many times we just need to think before we speak. Sometimes we don't have that
opportunity and find ourselves blurting out explanations that, in hindsight, were not exactly what
happened. In communication with others we are required to be truthful. That means we do not
exaggerate or mislead people. We need to tell the tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth.
3. DON'T BE A PEOPLE PLEASER.
The essence of this point is that we should not try to please others in order to gain their favor
or to feel valued by them. Our self esteem needs to be such that we choose to rather than need
to please others. The motive of being a 'people pleaser' is a selfish one because we are trying
to gain something for ourselves. The choice to respond to others' needs is a selfless act because
we are offering a more positive quality of life to them which results in no personal gain.
4. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!
Instincts are part of our DNA, therefore, something we are born with. Animals and birds also
have instincts. How do particular species of birds know how and where to build their nests or
animals know exactly what to do with their young when they have just given birth? For humans,
it is like having a sixth sense. We just know that something is wrong, that we are being watched
or in some danger. Our instinct will make us run, scream or hide. It is an automatic reaction.
Some try to override their instinct that something is dangerous just to prove they are invincible
e.g. My instincts tell me that I could kill myself if I try riding on the roof of a car going 50
miles per hour - but I am going to do it anyway so I can prove I can cheat death! WRONG!
5. NEVER SPEAK BAD ABOUT YOURSELF.
I have heard it said that we should not put ourselves down because there are plenty of others
doing it for us! Whatever comes out of your mouth is the real you. Whatever you say about
yourself out loud will confirm the feeling you have about yourself inside. If you speak
positively, then you become more positive. If you say enough times, "I can do this," then
you will believe it. It is vitally important that we monitor the balance between negative and
positive things we say to our children. There is a huge difference in the response of a child
to the words, "You failed" and "Never mind. Let's see what we can do to help you succeed
next time."
6. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.
The first step is to actually have dreams. I am astonished at the number of people who just
lurch from one day to the next with no plan and therefore no control over their own lives.
If parents do that, then kids will likely follow. Dreams promote hope - something to look
forward to. We ALL need to dream and KEEP dreaming, no matter how old we are. When
kids see us voicing our dreams and then fulfilling them, they catch the excitement and want
to do the same. Never discourage your child from dreaming big, outlandish or small dreams.
Respond by helping them create a plan to reach them. People with aspirations followed by
ACTutalizations are exciting to be around. It is contagious. People who have no dreams are
boring and miserable because they are unfulfilled.
7. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY 'NO'.
This point is tied into both numbers 1 and 3 above. We need to be clear in our minds about
what is right and wrong and, once we understand this it is easier to say, 'No'. When we
become over-committed we need to feel OK about saying no to any more commitments.
We should not become 'people pleasers' because we are afraid we will let them down or lose
their favor.
8. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SAY 'YES'.
Many times we miss out on fantastic opportunities because we are afraid we will not be able
to do that thing, or make fools of ourselves trying. Every person in history has felt the fear
of trying something new because it is unfamiliar territory. When a situation contravenes our
personal values, cultural or social beliefs or the law, we should know, and say, "NO".
9. BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
Look after yourself. Understand there will be times you will make mistakes or fail. Everyone
does. The value we place on ourselves should be high otherwise point 5 above comes into
play. (When we think and speak badly about ourselves we lose our sense of hope and
happiness). Keeping a strong support system of friends and family will encourage you and
help you in times of sadness, discouragement or indecision. In being kind to yourself, you
are also teaching your children what it means to be kind to themselves, too.
10. LET GO OF WHAT YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
This is really hard to do, especially if you are a 'fixer' by nature. I remember the saying, 'FIX
what you can, and CAN what you can't. If you find you can't let go or that others are trying to
stop you letting go, then you need professional help. When you succeed you will be better
equipped to help your kids through this process when they feel defeated and out of control of
situations. There are currently two very popular songs on the radio on this subject. They are,
'Let it Go', from the movie 'Frozen' and 'Shake it Off' by Taylor Swift.
11. STAY AWAY FROM DRAMA AND NEGATIVITY.
Some people seem to have a bulls eye on their backs or a big sign on their foreheads saying,
'Hit Me'. They drain the life out of you with their constant negativity and inability to dig
themselves out of the many holes they keep falling into. While it is very wearying being
around these people it is also frustrating, especially when you endeavor to give them good
advice and they don't or won't take it! In this instance you have to point them towards
professional help and not let them continually unload their verbal 'junk' all over you.
12. LOVE.
Love is the most valuable gift of all. Love overlooks our own and others' failings.
It sees the best and not the worst in ourselves and others. It thinks of others' needs before
self and goes out of its way to comfort and care in times of trouble. LOVE FORGIVES.
LOVE FORGETS.
When we consciously and regularly work on improving our own quality of life, we automatically add to the quality of our children's lives. Not only do they learn by what we say, but even more so by what we do and how we respond to situations! For that reason, we should constantly be trying to improve ourselves so the best possible outcome may be accomplished and passed on within our families.
Resource: Facebook.com/ChangeYourThoughtsToday (Healing Lights photo)
Additional comments by Sally Burgess
Forefront Families LLC
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