OK, so why do we yell at our kids? Here are some reasons people give.
- They won't take any notice unless my voice reaches 110 decibels.
- That is what my parents did to me.
- I am angry and I want them to know it.
- Sometimes they need to be afraid of me.
- I see danger and I want to warn them.
WHAT IS THE RESULT OF CONTINUOUS PARENTAL YELLING?
Kids will often tune out to what is going on around them. They may even miss warnings of danger. Kids will often yell back at their parents or at their siblings, because that is the behavior that seems to be the 'right way' to handle situations in the home. Kids can then grow up to do the same thing to their kids. It may lead to the children finding it more difficult to control their anger. When angry words are spoken they are often uncontrolled, distorted or untrue. Cruel words can never be taken back. Even an apology cannot erase such words from the recipient's mind. As the song says, "Forgiving you is easy, but forgetting takes the longest time." Uncontrolled anger causes insecurity and a lack of trust.
HOW CAN I GET DESIRED RESULTS WITHOUT YELLING?
The best way to get your kids to respond to your requests the first time is to:
a) Tell them that you are not going to yell at them anymore.
b) Tell them clearly what your expectations are...that from now on you will make your requests
only once and if they do not comply, selected consequences will be applied.
c) Have them repeat your expectations and the consequences so you know they really understand.
d) Make sure that you are being fair with your timing when it comes to asking them to do something.
If it is right in the middle of some fun activity you have allowed them to do, then they will be
quite reasonably frustrated and grumpy if they are pulled away from it.
Helpful further reading: