QUALITY vs QUANTITY TIME WITH YOUR KIDS

For many years the trend was all about spending a good quantity of time with your children.
Then a couple of decades ago it all changed to fit our busy life schedules. The catch-cry then
became, “It’s not the quantity of time that’s important. It’s the quality of time…a short period
of total focus on your child will suffice and they will be so invigorated by the special time, that
you’ll have contented kids. Not so in my experience.

For the last 18 years my wife and I have been running a parenting organization called Forefront Families (See the link below). We have found that kids need plenty of your time without distraction and the quality you put into it pays you big dividends.

WHAT DO OUR KIDS SAY THEY WANT?

 In a set of class lessons with 4th graders I asked the students, with their eyes closed, “How many of you would like your mother to spend more time with you?” 76% raised their hands. I asked how many wanted their fathers to spend more time with them. 68% said yes. You see, folks, just being in the same house or car is not ‘spending time’. The children stated that they want your undivided attention, doing something special and not costly with them. One parent, when asked by her daughter if she would please spend more time with her doing one-on-one activities, broke down and said words to the effect of, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that it hurt you so much. I wish you had asked me earlier.” Now the mother and daughter are spending special times together.

AIN'T IT FUNNY HOW TIME SLIPS AWAY?

Time is so short and we have our children only a brief time before they leave to make a life of
their own. Sometimes we can busy ourselves so much in our careers and endeavors, so that we
might give our families a good life, that we neglect to give what our kids want most, and that is
our TIME. One boy said that he would rather have his family live on the side of the road and
have time with each other than to live in a flash house with all the stuff. This statement blew
me away. Wow! Do you see how important it is to spend time with our children?

A business executive’s daughter was getting married. He had spent so little time with her that
he didn’t even know her bridesmaids’ names. Neither did he know his girl’s favorite color, but
he was very successful in his job. During the wedding his mind wouldn’t stop thinking about this
beautiful bride and how he didn’t really know her that well. His daughter had resigned herself
to never having a positive relationship with her dad, because he was hardly ever around. On
Monday, following the wedding, he called his aspiring employees together and talked to them
about the turmoil and regret, even shame, he had gone through over the weekend. “If any of
you want my job, just ask me. I have lost such valuable time and relationship with someone I
love dearly. I thought I was doing all this to give her and my other children a good life. It’s just
not worth it!”

by Brian Burgess, forefront Families
www.forefrontfamilies.org

CAT'S IN THE CRADLE by Harry Chaplin

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then."

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad; come on, let's play
Can you teach me to throw?"
I said, "Not today, I got a lot to do."
He said, "That's okay."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then."

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man, I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later; can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired, and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you."

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then."