YOUR MARRIAGE COMES FIRST

Parenting is a hard job and we often feel ill-equipped to be like all the 'successful' parents around us.  Of course they are looking at us the same way.  Arlene Pellicane made a number of astute observations about the mistakes parents make.  This is one of them.

YOUR MARRIAGE TAKES A BACK SEAT! 

Focus on your children first and your marriage second, and you will hurt your kids.  When your kids need something for school or an activity, you’ll burn the candle at both ends to make it happen.  But if your spouse needs something, you tend to think, “Take care of it yourself.  I have enough to do around here!”  Yet when it’s all said and done, your kids will leave your home someday and probably start their own families.  Your relationship with your spouse is the most important bond that needs tending.  The greatest gift you can give your kids is a strong marriage.  It provides security, love, belonging, strength, and an example to follow in the future.

KIDS THRIVE IN A HAPPY ENVIRONMENT

The younger the child is, the more attention it needs, naturally.  Unfortunately, by spending most of your time on your kid's needs you have far less time for your marriage.
a) You do your kids a disservice by giving them the idea that you are there for their every
     whim rather than learning to be part of a family - a family who helps one another.
b) You do yourself and your marriage a disservice by not resting and not spending time with your
     spouse.

NURTURE YOUR MARRIAGE CONTINUALLY

Carve out time to feed and enjoy your own relationship.
a) Get the kids to bed by 7.30 or 8:00 p.m. so you can have time to yourselves.
b) Get a sitter so you can go out with friends or go to the movies.
c) Arrange for others to take the kids so you can take a short trip away.
d) Teach your kids not to interrupt 'Mommy and Daddy time' when you are sitting quietly, talking
    adult stuff.  That way they learn that your time together is valuable, also.

A happy home is a harmonious one.  When kids sense stress between parents, they they tend to become insecure and they do not thrive.  Each family member needs quality time alone and with each other.  Don't leave yourselves out.

Comments by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families

Arlene Pellicane is a speaker and author of Growing Up Social: Raising Relational Kids in a Screen-Driven World and 31 Days to Becoming a Happy Wife. She has been a guest on the Today Show, Family Life Today, The 700 Club and Turning Point with David Jeremiah. Arlene and her husband James live in San Diego with their three children. Visit Arlene’s website at www.ArlenePellicane.com.