It is always disturbing to read, see or experience the result of uncontrolled anger. As the story of the Blade Runner unravels on TV we see how an incredibly successful athlete, hero worshiped by so many, has a major anger issue that has resulted in the death of another person. We read regularly about professional sportsmen who lose their tempers and assault others. Where does it all stem from?
Everybody in the entire universe gets angry. It is a legitimate emotion just as are laughter, excitement and sadness. When we become angry at injustice, it spurs us to do something to make conditions better for ourselves and/or for others. As parents, we can very easily become angry when we feel our child is being unfairly treated or bullied. That is a natural protective emotion. It is the way we respond to our anger that makes the difference.
When I see a person, such as the Blade Runner, in the dock awaiting sentence, I can't help thinking, 'How could this situation have been averted'? This guy has inspired the whole world by his courage and success, yet has a history of uncontrolled anger from childhood. What could the parents have done to ensure their child had learned how to control his anger?'
Here are some questions we may ask ourselves:
1. Do I control my own anger?
2. Do my kids see me 'losing it'?
3. Do I forgive others and move on?
4. Do I ask my kids' forgiveness when I have treated them unfairly?
5. Do I respond quickly and effectively when my child has anger issues?
6. Is my home a peaceful place?
Here are some questions we may ask regarding our children:
1. Are my kids afraid of me?
2. Are my kids still throwing tantrums at school age?
3. Do my kids get so frustrated by me that they get to the point where
they just boil over?
4. Do my kids know how to forgive and not hold grudges?
5. Do my kids manage their anger so that it dissolves quickly?
6. Are communication lines such that my kids feel safe to share their
feelings with me?
It is imperative that we learn how to channel our own anger in a positive way. It is also imperative that our children also learn how to manage their anger. Their first role model is you and me. There is no shame in getting professional help for ourselves and for our kids.
Sadly, jails are full of angry people who have not been shown, or have not learned, how to positively channel their anger from their early years.
Written by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families LLC