MENDING FENCES

We often feel defeated in our parenting efforts particularly when it comes to our teens.  We do our very best, but sometimes our kids just don't turn out like we hoped and prayed they would.  Of course hind sight is 20/20 and having gone through the process a few times we do get better at it but we know we have made mistakes.  So, how do we fix the broken fences?

Here are some tips that might help:
1. Acknowledge to yourself that you have made mistakes and that there is/was a better way of 
     approaching issues.
2. Decide, if you had had your time again, what you would have done or how you would have handled 
     situations.
3. Talk it over with your spouse/partner and come to agreement on your future method of solving issues.
4. Start the revised approach with your younger children.
5. Talk to your teen about what happened and why. Tell them you handled it inappropriately and what 
     you should have done.
6. Ask their forgiveness for hurtful words or actions said.
7. Tell them your expectations regards their behavior and why they need to change.
8. Keep your voice down to a low level and do not become agitated if they disagree.  Shouting invites a 
     similar response from your teen.
9. Tell your teen the things you really appreciate about them.  They want to hear that you love them 
     and want the best for them.

They say that 70% of words spoken in a home tend to be negative.  Kids want to know you approve of them.  They don't want you to be their friend.  They want a parent to teach them what to do in given circumstances.  We need to realize we all make mistakes and need to change, just like we expect our kids to.  Asking forgiveness of our children is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of respect.  Showing kids how to handle misjudgements will prepare them for the many times they experience similar situations in their futures.

Written by Sally Burgess