Saturday, May 4, 2013


In the last blog we talked about things mothers should tell their sons.  It is incredibly important for kids to know how to choose that special someone to spend the rest of their life with.  For that reason, I created a list of things I thought would help kids choose objectively and not merely rely on their emotions to make life-long choices.  

Here it is:


Kids, before you latch your beady eyeballs on some spunky hunk or dream girl:


A. Get out a pen and paper and write down:
    1.  Your personal values e.g. commitment, honesty, respect, putting others before self,
         integrity (doing the right thing whether others are looking or not) forgiveness (not 
         holding grudges) ....
    2.  Your beliefs e.g. Equality in relationship, your spiritual and cultural beliefs ....
    3.  What is important to you in a marriage partner e.g. similar values and beliefs, 
         agreement regarding money and child management, excellent work ethic ....

         When you start going with someone and WAY before you become committed to the
         relationship, be checking them out to make sure they line up with your list.  Hopefully 
         they will be doing the same thing to you!
B. Talk, talk, talk - find out if you are compatible with one another.
      You are on a major fact-finding mission here:
      a. Find out their beliefs, values, interests, hobbies, voluntary work they are involved in.
      b. Find out if they are supportive of your activities.  Are you supportive of theirs?
      c. Find out their aspirations.  Are they a planner, a goal setter?  Are they into physical
         exercise like hiking, boating etc or do they enjoy less vigorous activities like reading,
         music, writing, computer work?  Are they embarking on several years of study while 
         you are going in a different direction?  Are you willing to wait for them to complete
         time consuming endeavors and vice versa?  Do they take life seriously?  What are their
         long term goals?  What are yours?  Are they committed to helping you reach your 
     d. Do they have medical issues that need to be considered?  Do they have dependent
         others to consider?

C. Observe, observe, observe
       a. Are they good with saving money?  Are they in debt?
      b. How do they manage their emotions?  Are they easy going or easily stressed?  How
          do they cope with issues or manage anger?  Are they controlling?  Are they verbally
          or physically abusive?  Do they hold grudges or do they readily forgive?
      c. Are they kind to animals and careful with plants?
      d. Do they value their stuff and, just as importantly, do they respect others' stuff?
      e. Do they seem happy within themselves?  Do they like themselves?
       f. Do they criticize others readily, or do they have a positive outlook on life?
      g. How do they speak to/about their parents?
      h. When you visit your friend's parents' home, how do their parents speak to one another?  
          Are they respectful, caring and positive, because this is how your friend will probably 
          relate to you? 
The big questions are - Do you have enough in common?  Is your friend kind, 
      caring and respectful towards you and your family? 
      If you have any reservations, then don't go any further in the relationship.  It is not worth it.  
      You cannot change another person even though you may think you can.  You can only
      change yourself.

      If you have not passed your own test above, then you have some work to do before you
      think of getting into a relationship with another person.

      Written by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families LLC



No comments:

Post a Comment