TIPS ON TRAVELING WITH KIDS

 

Summer vacation time is here again. If you plan to go on a trip, just remember that traveling long distances should be as much fun for your kids as it is for you. Many times that is not the case.
Here are some things to consider.

• Are you going somewhere where your kids will have fun, such as to the beach or to a theme park? You can bet that a week-long trip to see your old whiskery Aunt Tilly will not engender any enthusiasm in anyone but you, and even then it will probably be a stretch.

• Have you planned for weather changes? What if it buckets down with rain for a week? Have you got a plan B?

• How are the kids going to fare cooped up in the car for the nine-hour drive? Have you thought of things for them to do? 

Planning the trip:

• Discuss a number of vacation options that include fun things for the kids to do.

• Don’t tell your kids your plans until you are absolutely SURE nothing will stop you going – e.g. time off work or enough money to go.

• About four weeks before the event tell the kids and, where possible, let them have input into the choice of vacation.

• If they get pocket money suggest they save some of it for spending money there.

Taking the trip:

Remember that you are going on a VACATION so rushed travel is no fun for anyone. Make it leisurely.

• Make sure the kids know your behavioral expectations for a FUN trip e.g. no arguing and fighting in the car, no touching stuff in stores and keeping close to parents at all times.

• Leave the work laptop and work cell phone at home.

• Leave at a reasonable hour, and make sure everyone has a good breakfast. 

• Ensure you will all be comfortable in the car.  Check that everybody is belted in correctly and that you take a stroller for younger children.

• Give your kids a little lunch pack (minimal candy) so they can graze along the way.

• Schedule regular pit stops and things to see.

• Watch fluid intake or the stops may become frustrating.

• Make sure that the kids get out and run around to expel some of their pent up excitement and energy.

• To alleviate the inevitable, “Are we there yet?” every five minutes, give them a simple map so they can follow progress. Remember that if you are getting sore and weary because of the travel, your kids will feel twice as bad. 

• If you are becoming frustrated, the kids will feel it, too, and the fun part will dissipate.

• Make sure that you have had a good sleep before you leave, especially if you may be the only one driving.

• If you are traveling by plane, take little backpacks with fun things for the kids to do and eat. Place these under the seat in front so you don’t have to keep fishing in the overhead bins. Try to time it so your toddler is very tired or very alert so they either fall asleep or can be happily occupied during the travel. As cabin pressure changes, ear pressure does also. Make sure you have fluid for a small child to drink while the plane is ascending or descending. Maybe sets of earplugs for use during the plane’s descent would be a good idea. If your child starts crying or screaming, earplugs could also be handy to distribute to surrounding passengers!

I have often wondered why parents take children under 3-4 years old to big, expensive theme parks. Small children can become totally over-stimulated and get tired, cranky and hungry very easily as parents ‘make the most’ of their day at one of these parks.

Vacations can be fabulous when we think ahead to make sure that our little people are appropriately catered for.

Happy travels this summer.

Written by Sally Burgess 

MUHAMMAD ALI'S SAGE ADVICE TO HIS DAUGHTER

An incident transpired when Muhammad Ali’s daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were quite revealing. Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:
“When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.

My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them.”

He looked at me with serious eyes. “Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.”

(Source: Posted on Facebook 5/15/13)

HANDS ON OR HANDS OFF? WHICH SHOULD IT BE?

We have our children at home for around 17 years and in that time we know we need to prepare them for a life of excitement and endeavor.  However, teaching them independence is a bittersweet activity.  We want them to fly solo, but in doing so they are telling us they don't need us.  So we often hang on longer than we need to just to stay connected and in many cases to feel needed.

We can't protect them forever.  We also have to prepare them for failure, unfair treatment and denial of things they want or think they need. 

What we can do to prepare our kids for life:  

• Teach them not only how to perform tasks, but how to perform them safely.    
• Teach them our values and how and why they form our character.   
• Coach them how to make wise decisions and choices.   
• Teach them right from wrong.
• Teach them how to take responsibility for their own actions.
• Praise them for successes and create consequences for non-compliance.
• Stand close by and dust them off when plans do not turn out as expected.   
• Focus on their efforts rather than just the results. 
• Teach them principles so that even though a particular scenario may not be exactly the same as one we have taught, they will still be able to work out what to do, particularly if we are not there for advice. 
• Be great role models, be fair, consistent and equal with our love and attention to each child.

What we should NOT do:   

• Stand up for our child when the child is actually in the wrong.
• Protect our child from failure.
• Protect our child from all possible hurt. 
• Give our child everything they want so they are never disappointed or want for anything. 
• Have unreasonable expectations (e.g. my child is an A+ student), if they are actually incapable of producing a high grade. 
• Say, "I told you so!" 

       None of the six points above have any connection with reality.

Written by Sally Burgess

THE BEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO YOUR CHILD

1.   I am so proud of you!
      Kids love to know they have done something to make their parents brag about them.

2.   Thank you so much for .....
      Kids appreciate being recognized for doing chores, favors and for acting appropriately.

3.   I am so glad you are my son/daughter.
      Kids want to feel they belong and are valued.

4.   I love you all.
      Kids want to be loved equally with their siblings.

5.   You have done an exceptional job.
       Kids love it when parents acknowledge that they have excelled or worked really hard.

6.   You did your best, and that is all we ask for.
      Kids want to be recognized for the effort they put in rather than just the results.

7.   I believe in you.
      Kids want parents to have faith in them and to respect their integrity. 

8.   You are a very precious member of this family.
      Kids need to hear it from parents that they are special, not just one more mouth to feed.

9.   I really value your opinion.
     Kids love it when a parent listens and actually appreciates their input.

10. You can become whatever you set your mind to!
      Kids need to be encouraged to dream big and know their parents will support them in their 
      endeavors.

11. I love you.
     When you look your child right in the eyes and tell them you love them, they will never forget it.

12. I am going to stand by you no matter what.
     Kids need to be assured that even though they mess up, parents love them for who they are rather 
     than for what they do.  

THE MOST DAMAGING COMMENTS YOU CAN MAKE TO A CHILD

1.   You were a mistake.
      This sets your child on a path of self destruction because they feel they were never wanted.

2.   You are a waste of skin/space/time.
      This leads kids to think they are worthless and will exhaust themselves trying to prove you wrong 
      or they will live down to your expectations.

3.   Why can't you do anything right?
      Kids think, 'Whatever I do, it isn't good enough, so why try?'

4.   Why can't you be just like your brother!
      To be continually compared with another child creates jealousy and bad blood between siblings.

5.   You are a failure/loser.
      To be labeled as a failure/loser, is to pronounce uselessness over a person, which is very difficult 
      to overcome.

6.   You are never going to be any good at anything, so don't waste your time and our money.
      Damning words.  This is no way to motivate your child to excel at anything. 

7.   Klutz, fatso, trouble, brat, stupid........
      Parents may think they are being funny, but name calling hurts deeply.  You're also being a 
      negative role model to your other children.

8.   If you don't straighten up we will send you off to boot camp.
      Such threats make kids insecure and fearful.  If you don't follow through they know you won't keep
      your word.

9.   It is all because of you that  xxx  happened.
      This is an unfair accusation.  A child can never get away from the guilt put onto them.  Kids don't 
      have the maturity to process that.  Even if a child did cause the issue at hand, they must be 
      forgiven and given time to heal. Don't hold it over them.

10. I am ashamed of you.
      Kids want parents to be proud of them, so to be ashamed of him/her will make them just want to   
      give up!

11.  John is my favorite.
      This will cause your child to spend the rest of their lives trying to please you and be as good or 
      better than their sibling.

12. You are a lazy, good-for-nothing.
      Kids need to have expectations explained to them so they know the level to reach.  They need to 
      be praised for the things they do right, not picked on for what they are not doing.


All of us have a lot to learn and all of us make mistakes.  We must avoid making rash statements and exercise self-control to avoid uttering spirit-killing messages.  It has been said that it takes at least 10 times as many positive comments to erase just one negative one.  Therefore, try to fill your kids' memory banks with positives so they can call on them when negatives come their way. 

MENDING FENCES

We often feel defeated in our parenting efforts particularly when it comes to our teens.  We do our very best, but sometimes our kids just don't turn out like we hoped and prayed they would.  Of course hind sight is 20/20 and having gone through the process a few times we do get better at it but we know we have made mistakes.  So, how do we fix the broken fences?

Here are some tips that might help:
1. Acknowledge to yourself that you have made mistakes and that there is/was a better way of 
     approaching issues.
2. Decide, if you had had your time again, what you would have done or how you would have handled 
     situations.
3. Talk it over with your spouse/partner and come to agreement on your future method of solving issues.
4. Start the revised approach with your younger children.
5. Talk to your teen about what happened and why. Tell them you handled it inappropriately and what 
     you should have done.
6. Ask their forgiveness for hurtful words or actions said.
7. Tell them your expectations regards their behavior and why they need to change.
8. Keep your voice down to a low level and do not become agitated if they disagree.  Shouting invites a 
     similar response from your teen.
9. Tell your teen the things you really appreciate about them.  They want to hear that you love them 
     and want the best for them.

They say that 70% of words spoken in a home tend to be negative.  Kids want to know you approve of them.  They don't want you to be their friend.  They want a parent to teach them what to do in given circumstances.  We need to realize we all make mistakes and need to change, just like we expect our kids to.  Asking forgiveness of our children is not a sign of weakness.  It is a sign of respect.  Showing kids how to handle misjudgements will prepare them for the many times they experience similar situations in their futures.

Written by Sally Burgess

AUNT AGATHA'S RECIPE FOR LASTING LOVE

In the last blog we talked about things mothers should tell their sons.  It is incredibly important for kids to know how to choose that special someone to spend the rest of their life with.  For that reason, I created a list of things I thought would help kids choose objectively and not merely rely on their emotions to make life-long choices.  

Here it is:

PARENTS' ADVICE TO TEENS REGARDING FINDING THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE.

Kids, before you latch your beady eyeballs on some spunky hunk or dream girl:

STOP, THINK and PREPARE.  

A. Get out a pen and paper and write down:

    1.  Your personal values e.g. commitment, honesty, respect, putting others before self,

         integrity (doing the right thing whether others are looking or not) forgiveness (not 

         holding grudges) ....

    2.  Your beliefs e.g. Equality in relationship, your spiritual and cultural beliefs ....

    3.  What is important to you in a marriage partner e.g. similar values and beliefs, 

         agreement regarding money and child management, excellent work ethic ....

   THEN: 

         When you start going with someone and WAY before you become committed to the

         relationship, be checking them out to make sure they line up with your list.  Hopefully 
         they will be doing the same thing to you!

   

B. Talk, talk, talk - find out if you are compatible with one another.

      You are on a major fact-finding mission here:

      a. Find out their beliefs, values, interests, hobbies, voluntary work they are involved in.

      b. Find out if they are supportive of your activities.  Are you supportive of theirs?

      c. Find out their aspirations.  Are they a planner, a goal setter?  Are they into physical

         exercise like hiking, boating etc or do they enjoy less vigorous activities like reading,

         music, writing, computer work?  Are they embarking on several years of study while 

         you are going in a different direction?  Are you willing to wait for them to complete

         time consuming endeavors and vice versa?  Do they take life seriously?  What are their

         long term goals?  What are yours?  Are they committed to helping you reach your 
         potential?

     d. Do they have medical issues that need to be considered?  Do they have dependent

         others to consider?

C. Observe, observe, observe

       a. Are they good with saving money?  Are they in debt?

      b. How do they manage their emotions?  Are they easy going or easily stressed?  How

          do they cope with issues or manage anger?  Are they controlling?  Are they verbally

          or physically abusive?  Do they hold grudges or do they readily forgive?

      c. Are they kind to animals and careful with plants?

      d. Do they value their stuff and, just as importantly, do they respect others' stuff?

      e. Do they seem happy within themselves?  Do they like themselves?

       f. Do they criticize others readily, or do they have a positive outlook on life?
      g. How do they speak to/about their parents?

      h. When you visit your friend's parents' home, how do their parents speak to one another?  
          Are they respectful, caring and positive, because this is how your friend will probably 
          relate to you? 
           
The big questions are - Do you have enough in common?  Is your friend kind, 

      caring and respectful towards you and your family? 

  

      If you have any reservations, then don't go any further in the relationship.  It is not worth it.  
      You cannot change another person even though you may think you can.  You can only
      change yourself.

      If you have not passed your own test above, then you have some work to do before you

      think of getting into a relationship with another person.

      Written by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families LLC