THOSE IMAGINARY FRIENDS

 

I never had an imaginary friend myself, but my cousin Lizzie did.  In fact, she had two; ‘Little Bill’ and ‘Jail’. Lizzie was an only child with older parents and I suspect that 'Little Bill' and 'Jail' kept her company by taking the place of siblings she never had.

Imaginary friends come in all sizes and can be casual visitors, constant companions, human or otherwise.  Perhaps 'Thumberlina' or the seven dwarfs started off as imaginary friends and became children’s stories?

Invisible friends can be good company for preschoolers in particular, and once they develop a wider social network than home, their 'friend' may quite naturally disappear.

Imaginary friends become useful indicators to parents on what their kids are thinking and feeling and may well be worth looking into.

Your child may tell you that his friend is:

• Frightened of the dark.
• Feels lonely or sad.
• Feels guilty for telling lies.
• Has been hiding things or sneaking food out of the fridge.
• Doesn’t want to go to summer camp.
• Hates carrots.
• Wet your child's bed.
• Hit someone at school. 

If the child starts acting in a perturbed manner, then it is certainly worth looking into.  Alex, my niece’s 4 year-old, has an imaginary friend named ‘Sydney’.  As Alex is the 5th of 7 children he certainly isn’t short on playmates. However, 'Sydney’ appears to be a dark friend who tells Alex to do naughty things all the time.  Maybe Alex feels as though he is not getting enough personal attention.
Parenting expert Amin Brott sets out the following rules for imaginary friends.  I have added some examples.

• Don’t let the imaginary friend be your child’s only companion. 
• Don’t let your child use their 'friend' as a crutch to blame for wrongdoing. 
• Treat your child’s imaginary friend with respect.  Don’t dismiss the friend as a
    nobody.
• Don't tell your child that 'Brewster' just left for China and isn’t coming back.
• Don’t use their 'friend' to manipulate your child e.g. “Brewster isn’t scared
   of having a shot so you shouldn’t be either.”

Imaginary friends are a fun and healthy way for small children to extend their imagination.  In almost all instances these 'friends' become fond childhood memories once children expand their friendships and develop busy lives.  It is not healthy to continue to avoid the reality of life – to live in fantasy.  If you think your child may be in this category, then get expert help.  Otherwise, just go with the flow and enjoy your children and their imaginary friends.

Written by Sally Burgess

THE IMAGE BREAKER

I have just seen a very interesting talk about the way advertizing is, and has for years been, creating a very skinny 'norm' in women.  Remember 'Twiggy'?  She was a painfully thin English model.  I am also concerned that tween and teenage girls are also being so subtly dictated to by similar advertizing.

Nashille playwrite Scott Crain made the following comment this comment on Face Book:

"Ads sell more than products...they sell concepts of normalcy."

While my heart breaks for this topic in regards to ladies, there are greater implications here that are no less troubling.  It's more than just the dehumanization of women.  It's the dehumanization of humans.

It's one thing to covet a world that someone else lives in; and yes, terrible things are stored up for those who refuse to be happy.  But we're beginning to covet a world that NO ONE lives in, and that's much scarier.  It's consciously deciding to live for a while in unreality, and the human mind isn't built to sustain that.  It leads to obsessiveness.  To mania.  To dark green ugly diseases.  We're doing it with our song lyrics.  With our Face Book posts.  With our Christian films.  We're throwing an Instagram blemish-smoothing filter on the world, which is effective in "fixing" a flawed photograph.

But what are we going to do about mirrors?"

The mirror does say it all, but why shouldn't we be satisfied with what it portrays?  When it comes to my health, I say 'yes' to making necessary changes I see in my mirror.  However, I think that parents need to have a long and hard look at their kids' attitudes towards image, for image sake.

Written by Sally Burgess

THE IMPORTANCE OF 'REAL' PLAY

As I look at Christmas gift ideas being advertized this year I cannot help but become increasingly concerned.  There are so many different kinds of technological 'toys' being offered that I fear kids are becoming even less likely to participate in physical play than ever before.

How can we get our kids up and outdoors, enjoying both physical activity and face-to-face communication with others?  How can we create a balance between sedentary or restful play and hard-out exercise like running, riding, climbing and hiking?

Suggestions:
Evaluate -
1.  Observe your children's activities in general.  How much time do they spend:
     a) Sitting watching TV or movies?
     b) Playing games on the Internet or Ipad?
     c) Talking on the phone to friends?
     d) Reading books or researching information on the Internet?
     e) Doing physical exercise - e.g playing outdoor sports?
     f) Spending time outside in imaginative play, alone or with friends?
     g) Talking face-to-face with friends and family?

2.  Take a good look at what your kids are asking for, for Christmas.  Is there a natural
     balance between tech and physical games or toys?

Action -
1.  Work out a weekly program that is divided into sedentary as well as active play.
     e.g. Create time for family games and energetic outdoor activities.  Nominate time
     for quiet play or reading.
2.  Spend time finding out what your kids' interests really are and how you can help
     make their dreams come true.
3.  Encourage healthy friendships where kids benefit from each others' interaction and
     not be negatively influenced.
4.  Allow xxxx time for passive TV/Movie watching and technological games.
5.  Make sure your kids get fewer rather than greater numbers of tech. games and activities.

Written by Sally Burgess

VITAL SAFETY TIPS TO TELL YOUR KIDS

I saw this list of tips on Face Book and was encouraged by the source person to share it with as many as possible.  I thought this info would be very important for parents and for parents to pass on to their kids.

1. The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to the
    attacker then use it!  Suggestion:  Dig the attacker really hard in the ribs or stomach.
    Using your elbow makes it hard for them to grab your wrist and hopefully he will already
    be gasping for air!

2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO THEM.  Toss it
    away from you.  Chances are that they are more interested in your wallet and/or purse
    than you, and will go for the wallet/purse.  RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER
    DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick
    your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy.  The driver won't see you, but
    everybody else will.  This has saved lives.

4. Don't just sit in your car with your door unlocked at the end of a shopping trip.
    A predator could be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get
    in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go.  AS SOON AS
    YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE THE AREA.
    If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF!  Repeat: DO
    NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead put your foot down hard on the accelerator and speed into
    anything, wrecking the car.  Your Air Bag will save you.  If the attacker is in the back seat
    they will get the worst of it.  As soon as the car crashes bail out and run.  It is better than
    having them find your body in a remote location.

5. Getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage: 
    a) If possible get an escort out to your car or walk out with some family group.
    b) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and
         in the back seat.
    c) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door.
         Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the
         women are attempting to get into their cars.
    d) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger
         side.  If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car you may want to walk
         back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out.
         IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (Better to appear paranoid
         than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs.  Stairwells are easy target areas,
    especially at night.

7. If a predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN!  The
    predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most
    likely WILL NOT be a vital organ.  RUN, preferably in a zig-zag pattern!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP!  It may get you raped, or
    killed.  Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well-educated man, who
    ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women.  He walked with a cane,
    or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is
    when he abducted his next victim.

9. Crying baby scam: If you hear a crying baby outside at night, DO NOT open the
    door!  It could be a baby's cry recorded used to coax women out of their homes
    thinking that someone dropped off a baby.

10. Water scam:  If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside
    running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE!  These
    people turn on all your outside taps full blast so that you will go out to investigate
    and then attack.

11. One from me:  Never go jogging in isolated places alone.  Never jog with earphones on.
    You cannot hear someone coming up behind who may attack you.

Think and be safe before exposing yourself to danger.

Source: From the FB site of the 'Stronger Longer Weight Loss Group'.  Some comments
             added by me for clarification.

Edited by Sally Burgess

IF YOU DON'T EAT DIRT YOU'LL DIE!

My uncle always used to say, "If you don't eat dirt you'll die," and I have come to agree with him.  I am not talking about digging spoonfuls out of the garden and swallowing them, although I have seen a guy demonstrating that very thing to make his point about the valuable properties of dirt in our diet!

No, I am talking about the obsession of sanitizing our hands and all surfaces in sight for fear of being exposed to germs.  Do you know that this is a huge advertizing gimmick to compel 'good' parents to protect their kids against all germs - well at least 99.9%, so the advertizing says. This is ridiculous!  It doesn't even make sense.  How will our bodies ever build up immunity if we are constantly shielding them?  Medical research is showing that because so many people are using disinfectants out of an obsession to be germ free, bacteria are mutating so much that there are now some infections that antibiotics won't cure.  That's alarming!

40 years ago my Doctor told a group of us pregnant women to make sure we passed our babies around to everyone, even those with colds.  He stated that exposure to coughing and sneezing was an advantage.  He was a total believer in early exposure to germs.  He also said that our babies would be more protected from getting sick if we were breast feeding them at the same time.

May I suggest that you stop constantly wiping down all surfaces and sanitizing your children's hands.  Sure, they should wash their hands after using the bathroom and before they eat, but let them get in the dirt.  They love it and it is good for them.

Note:  The picture above was taken with permission at a beach in New Zealand.  We had just arrived in the country and planned to walk along the beach front.  We saw this little girl, completely oblivious to the world, playing in the muddy water.  Her parents were sitting nearby laughing at how much fun she was having.  They didn't care that she might be ruining that pretty little pink outfit she had on.  They realized the value in exploring the texture of mud and just having fun.  Good for them and good for her!

Written by Sally Burgess

DON'T FORGET OUR NEW Chat Room Session on Monday Dec. 2nd (USA time)!!!


Hi all.

With such a great response last month, we are excited to continue our monthly Chat Room Session to provide on-the-spot advice and conversation about issues that we are all facing as parents. It will give you the opportunity to join the conversation and ask the questions you've been dying to get answers to. We will begin these monthly sessions at 8pm-9pm U.S. Central Standard Time or 3-4pm Auckland, New Zealand time.

It's as easy as going to our website at www.forefrontfamilies.org and clicking on the "Chat" tab at the top of the page and then clicking on "Join the conversation".



Just join by choosing one of the following options.

Joining as a "Guest" allows you to choose your name and be anonymous if you want to.

We can't wait to connect with our readers and support you in your parental journey.

***Please note that if we have a lot of questions and we can't get to your question within the hour, we will be happy to answer your questions via email. Or you can choose to join in the next week.

JUST SAY IT!

Last week our daughter Kristee made a great point.  She said, "Why do we have to die before our friends and family say what wonderful individuals we were when we were alive?  Why can't we have our eulogies before we die so we can appreciate what people say about us?" To make that point she started telling all her friends and family on Facebook what they meant to her.  The response was an avalanche of 44 friends and family who wrote beautiful 'eulogies' back or 'LIKED' what she said. It was quite amazing really.

Over Thanksgiving dinner we had the opportunity to express our thanks for our many blessings.  It has also encouraged us to appreciate the people who enrich our lives.  Were you the recipient of appreciation this Thanksgiving?  Didn't it feel good?  I bet you will never forget those words of praise.

It often feels awkward to tell someone what you love about them.  The important thing is to do it.  When you declare your gratitude or praise someone, it gives them a great sense of worth.  Face to face communication allows you not only to say what you want, but also to reach out and hug that person as your endorsement.  Everyone loves affection.

You can also write your feelings down on a card and send or give it to that other person.  I have many cards of love from my children and also some from friends or from work.  I never threw them away.  They are in my 'brag' file and whenever I feel a need to, I visit those words of love - it is the gift that keeps giving.

How can we teach our children to express their love and appreciation toward others?
Here are some suggestions.

a) Train your children to be positive in their everyday conversation, rather than being critical and 
     making hurtful comments.
b) Make it a habit (say once a month) where the family sits around the table, and one by one say
     something positive about the person to their right.  (Get them to look that person in the eye
     when they speak).  Do not allow any negatives.  One month you could have the positive
     statements and the next month each person could say what they are grateful for.  By doing
     this you will enhance family life, your children will grow up being grateful adults and you and
     your children will always know they are loved.
c) Make supporting one another's interests and successes, a family thing.  Celebrate achievements
    together.  Parent to parent, parents towards kids, kids to one another and kids to parents.
d) Get kids to write notes of love and appreciation to external family and friends.
e) When friends and family visit your home or your family visits theirs, teach your kids to greet
    them with a smile and tell them you are pleased to see them.  It should be an expectation that kids
    are included in greeting others, rather than them being ignored by adults, or their being allowed to
    ignore visitors.

By encouraging family members to express their love and appreciation, they will continue this very
important ingredient in giving others value.
    
Written by Sally and Brian Burgess