Are you losing it? Losing what, you may ask – my hair, my mind, the plot?
Are you losing control of yourself and/or your family? Specifically, are you losing your temper with your children?
Do you let yourself get so angry and frustrated with them that you find yourself ranting, raving, yelling, or threatening them with unrealistic or impossible punishments?
Nobody likes being yelled at. Why? Because it is disrespectful and frightening.
Nobody likes being physically attacked. Why? Because it hurts both body and pride.
Nobody likes inconsistent expectations. Why? Because it creates a feeling of distrust and insecurity.
Nobody likes living or working in a constantly tense, stressed, negative atmosphere. Why?
Because it is bad for one’s emotional and physical health.
So, why do we find ourselves losing it with our children? There are two possible reasons.
Firstly, are we role modeling on our own parents’ poor family management skills where screaming and yelling parents incited screaming, yelling kids? Was it an effective disciplinary tool then? So, how can it work successfully now?
Secondly, are we inconsistent in our expectations and have we explained those expectations to our children? Do we reward expected behaviors and created consequences for non-compliance? Do we
undermine our spouse/partner by creating good guy/bad guy style parenting?
WHAT CREATES A HARMONIOUS HOME?1. Create a management plan that both parents agree on and will adhere to.
2. Ensure your kids know your expectations, your boundaries and consequences.
3. Have fun with your kids. Give them time. All work and no play creates frustration.
4. Always look for the positives in your kids
5. Be aware of your red buttons and deal with them - go to anger management classes if necessary.
6. Stand together (be consistent) as positive parents who will stand by one each others' decisions.
7. Be willing to apologize to your kids for losing your temper.
8. Teach your kids how to resolve conflict in a respectful manner.
9. Monitor your own and your kids' moods and create time to express and deal with concerns.
Written by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families