While I am not in total agreement with the sentiment above, it does serve as a great springboard to discuss the topic of emotional control.
By the time we are adults we should have learned to effectively manage our emotions. That does not mean that we don't feel like blowing our top sometimes, but it's rather how we manage the anger in an acceptable manner that counts. Everyone gets frustrated to the point of distraction. Anger is a natural and normal emotion.
Nothing can be resolved by 'losing the plot!' When we lose control, we are much more likely to overstep socially acceptable boundaries. We may shout and say things that we don't really mean or that should be said in a much more kindly manner. We might throw things, slam doors or do something reckless that might injure ourselves or others. Words and deeds said or done in anger cannot be taken back. We may say we didn't mean what we said or did. We may ask forgiveness. Even if our apology is accepted, a level of trust has been broken and that sometimes takes a very
long time to regain.
SO, HOW DO WE CONTROL OUR ANGER?
We need to:
a) BE AWARE of our emotional state so we can control it long before it gets to the boiling point.
b) WALK AWAY. We are not children, but many adults act as if they are when looking at their
behavior. Melt downs never have and never will be the answer. Small eyes are watching and
learning how big people deal with life's problems. This is not the way!
c) WAIT until we are in control, and until the other party has simmered down to a point that you
can talk rationally. This may take hours or even days.
d) FORGIVE. If we want others to forgive us then we must also forgive others. The Bible says
that a lack of forgiveness or hatred dries the bones. It is a big fat waste of time holding grudges.
All that does is consume our thoughts so we are forever looking backwards instead of forwards
to hopeful and happier things.
e) FORGET. This means that once it is over we do not keep bringing up the subject/situation
f) MOVE ON. Sometimes we will never really get on well with a person, so we have to remain
polite, but let them go for the time being or for always. We do need to protect our own
emotional state so it is a good idea to surround ourselves with positive people who love and
accept us, those who will be good friends, enough to lovingly tell us something that will
OUR KIDS ARE WATCHING USHowever we handle conflict situations, our kids will do the same. If we don't handle our emotions well our kids will think our behavior is normal and do the same. If we do manage our anger then we are well equipped to show our kids how to do it, and SHOW them, we must. We need to teach them to read their own frustration levels and how to resolve situations before they get beyond their control.
IN SUMMARYIn the words of Taylor Swift's song, we need to "Shake it off." As the Aussies would say, "Build a bridge and get over it!" Sometimes that's easier said than done! Sure it is, but the sooner we learn to control our negative emotions, the more positive energy we will have for other things.
Written by Sally Burgess, Forefront Families LLC