How many times have we heard the old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do!"? How many times do you hear others say, "You are just like your father!" How often does that strike you as a very scary thought???
Kids learn by watching you AND by being trained. Little eyes are watching our every move to see how things should be handled or understood. I would venture to say that a lot more is picked up by observation than by telling. Remember that actions speak much louder than words.
We used to have some very vocal neighbors. One day I heard the mother screaming out the window to her son, "How many (beep, beep) times have I told you to stop your (beep, beep) swearing?
My New Zealand husband had to suspend a 13-year-old girl for her very rude and boisterous behavior toward a teacher in a Tennessee, USA school. He called the student's mother to come and collect her daughter and in so doing the woman hung up on him. While in the crowded front office Brian looked up to see the girl's mother enter. He said to her, "Ma'am, I just want to tell you why..." She cut his conversation to say, "Shut up!" Brian said, "Please don't talk like that in here." The mother said, "Shut your British mouth up!" Brian's reply left several people in a fit of laughter. "It's one thing to tell me to shut up, but don't call me British!" As she grabbed her daughter's elbow and led her towards the door Brian tried a last time to tell the mother what the suspension was for. She again interrupted and said, "I thought I told you to shut up!" Before she could get out the door Brian said, "Now I know exactly why your daughter is like she is!" Nearly everyone in the office stood and clapped. Isn't this true story so illustrative of the fact that our children will more than likely end up behaving and thinking like us?
We can train all we like, but if our actions do not model how we expect our children to act, our words fall on deaf ears.
SO, HOW CAN OUR ACTIONS BECOME CONSISTENT WITH OUR EXPECTATIONS FOR OUR KIDS?
1. Decide how we want our kids to behave.
2. Take a good look at our own behavior and note the difference in expectations.
3. Create a priority list of behavioral changes required.
4. Change ourselves first - one negative behavior at a time.
5. When we get it right, then work on that expectation for our kids.
Acknowledge and praise your kids for meeting your expectations.
Quietly reward yourselves for doing the same!
The picture above was taken of a 3 year old boy in Prague who was given a cigarette and lighter by his father who was standing behind him laughing. Very sad!
Written by Sally Burgess
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