Forefront Families: WHEN YOU HAVE A MUTINY ON YOUR HANDS!

Every parent has been in a situation (or many) where they end up in a stand-off with their kids. It
can happen at any age, but especially as kids become tweens and teens. There are a number of
reasons why this happens.

1. You may have a strong-willed child who challenges you from the moment they are told they
    cannot do something!
2. Once children are at school, we the parents, no longer have exclusive influence over their lives.
    They mix with other kids and authority figures who have different expectations, beliefs and
    values than ours. This causes them to question the values they have been taught at home. They
    can become disrespectful, disagreeable and disobedient.
3. In their mid teens, kids are starting to want to adopt their own values (although they may not
    recognize it as such). The fact that they challenge our expectations is all part of establishing their
    own path in life. Of course, the repercussions of some of their decisions will cause them to realize
    the reason parents put boundaries in place was for their own protection. Sometimes they may have
    to learn the hard way, by learning to be accountable and taking the consequences for their own
    behavior.

NOTE: You are responsible for their actions until they are 18 years old and you need to be in charge.

WHAT TO DO IN A STAND-OFF SITUATION
1. You have more control over your emotions than a child has, so when you see it coming, count to
    30 before responding to your child's challenge.
2. Keep your voice down. Never shout because anger is so highly emotive that you may regret the
    things you say.
3. Give your child a chance to express their issue.
4. Stay calm and do not interrupt. You may find there has been a misunderstanding and that the
    situation can be resolved quickly and easily.
5. When your child has stated their case, then explain the reason why you do not want them to do the
    thing they want to do e.g. We do not want you to go to John's party if his parents are not present
    because there is no adult in charge. John may have unwanted people crashing the party. Some of
    his friends may bring alcohol and he doesn't want to seem like a prude telling them they can't drink.
    If the situation 'turns into custard', John will not want to call the police on his friends or have to
    admit to his parents that the situation got out of hand. If you want to go to John's party, his parents
    must be present, there must be no alcohol there and you must agree to call us to come and get you
    if our expectations are not met.
6. Have your child agree that your expectations are reasonable and that they will do as you require.
7. If they have been disrespectful, require that they apologize to you.

NOTE: If you have an 18 year-old or older who constantly challenges your authority and your family values, it is time they left home and found their own way. Do not jeopardize the harmony in your home because you can't let go of your 'beloved' child. You can!

HOW TO PREVENT STAND-OFFS IN THE FIRST PLACE

Spend time with your kids so you really understand how they tick.

Kids want you to be their parents and to lead them. You can't be their friend one minute and correcting them the next. It doesn't work. You can become their friends when they have left home.

Explain your expectations and train them to follow these. Teach them why your values are there and what the consequences are for failing to keep them.