HOTHOUSE KIDS

 

We take our parenting responsibility seriously, at least most do, but how far is too far?  How little is too little?  Some believe you can never protect your kids too much.  I disagree.  We do need to keep them safe and they do need to feel secure.  So where is the balance?  When are we smothering them and when are we exposing them
to the real world?

A. Letting kids learn the hard way

What happens when we let our kids learn the hard way, by allowing them to learn from their own mistakes?  Many kids would say that when parents don't train them, state their expectations and give them boundaries, they think their parents don't love them and don't care.  Without guidance and good role modeling, what is there to strive for? Is this healthy?

What happens when these kids leave home?  They may be somewhat street smart, but without any training on how to communicate respectfully, work with others or obey authority, they are likely to find it very difficult to successfully meet goals or be accountable. 

B. Dictating their every move

What happens when parents constantly tell kids what to do and make the boundaries so tight the kids are unable make choices?  The parents say, "Jump!" and the kids say, "How high?"  By parents being so controlling, kids never get a chance to make their own choices.  They are always waiting to be told what to do.  Is this healthy?

From my observation, these 'hothouse' kids have absolutely no idea how to live without their parents controlling them all the time.  When they leave home they are easily influenced by those with stronger personalities.  They have no decision-making skills, so they go wild without parental influence hovering over them.

Home is the training ground - a soft place to land

Home is the place where parents train their kids about how to best manage their lives.  It should be a place where it is safe to falter and fail.  It is a place to celebrate successes and overcome failures.

1. Train your children.  Allow them to practice and expect that they may make some mistakes before
    they get it right.
2. Don't jump all over them for doing the wrong thing, but talk through their failure and let them feel the
    consequences of their actions.
3. Avoid bailing them out all the time because they will expect that you will always step in to rescue
    them, even as adults!  Kids do need to learn to be accountable for their actions.

Written by Sally Burgess