Thursday, September 22, 2016


I saw this posted on Face Book the other day and thought it was well worth discussing.

                  "The more chances you give someone the less respect they will have for
                    you.  They will begin to ignore the standards you have set because they
                     know another chance will be given.  They are not afraid to lose you
                    because they know no matter what you do they will not walk away from
                     you.  They get comfortable relying on your forgiveness.  
                               Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you."  


There in the second sentence is the key to gaining respect.  If there are no standards or expectations there is likely no consequences for actions.  If there are no consequences given there is little or no point of measurement for acceptable and unacceptable behavior.


When we set standards we must teach our kids and allow them to make mistakes until they get it right.  The key here is to determine when they have learned by their mistakes and when to stop giving second chances without consequences.

N.B. They need to know what the consequences are beforehand and there should be no backing off issuing them.  Having done so, the parent then talks to the child about the situation and how to deal with it successfully in future.


You will gain your child's respect when you respond appropriately to both positive AND negative behaviors.  Kids love to be praised for doing a good job.  It means you have observed and are pleased with their actions.  Kids also want to hear you say, 'NO' sometimes.  They need to know they have crossed the line and that you are not prepared to overlook it without a consequence.  It says to them that you care about them.  I doubt any child will believe the age old saying, "This hurts me more than it hurts you", when you issue a corrective action, but they should know where they stand with you.  You have expectations and they really do want to know they are meeting and exceeding those requirements.

Kids will walk all over weak parents which is, of course, disrespectful.  It can easily be observed in the classroom.  One teacher will have children eating out of their hand, as it were, while in another classroom the kids are running wild.  Where does most learning take place?  In the well-controlled classroom.  Where is there excitement in achievement?  In the controlled environment.


When our kids learn that respect develops from:
     a. Obeying set standards
     b. Understanding how negative actions affect others
     c. Admitting and asking forgiveness for mistakes made (and learning from those mistakes)
     d. Having a positive, thoughtful and thankful attitude towards others
they WILL succeed in school, in work and in family life.  When they are respectful, they will also gain respect from others.

Success comes through a combination of support and love from parents, as well as a controlled, respectful and loving environment.  This allows our kids to explore their giftings and to excel in what they love to do.  This is our son and daughter-in-law proudly posing with our grandson, 10 year-old Jaedon, who just won a very prestigious 2016 schools regional speech competition.  This involved winning the school competition, then the district's schools competition and finally the city-wide competition (city population 1.6 million).

Written by:  Sally Burgess, Forefront Families

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