THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX

Some time ago I was trying to solve a problem and mentioned it to my adult son.  He said, "Mom, just think outside the box."  In other words, look at it from a completely different angle.  It is a great thing when your kids teach you something!  It made me realize I had been approaching my problem solving by attacking the problem itself rather than jumping to the outside and taking a completely different perspective.

When our kids are small we tell them our expectations, praise them when they meet them and issue consequences when they don't.  If we only ever do that until they are out on their own, they will never learn to work through and successfully solve their own problems.  Instead, they will go with their subjective gut feeling and react with the first thing that comes to mind e.g. lash out, avoid the issue or give up.  Problem solving is an essential life skill kids need to have mastered well before they leave home.

Around 10-11 years of age is the recognized time for kids to start reasoning.  Piaget, a great educationist of the past century, researched and found that a child starts to reason around eleven years of age.  I have reason to believe that it could be a little younger this century, but I'm just surmising.  Rather than solve a child's problem for him, show him how to work through it by looking at alternative solutions and choosing the best.  It reminds me of the old saying, "Don't give a man a fish, teach him how to fish."


WHERE TO START:

As a parent:

a) Set the example by being an effective role model in reasoning something through.
b) Encourage creative thinking e.g. solve puzzles, brainstorm, or play games such as
    monopoly.
c) On occasional wet days or on vacation pose a few problems you want your 10 years +
    children to solve and praise them when they come at the answer from a different
    angle.  Don't be satisfied with just one answer, get them to probe even further. 
    Of course, you will be critically thinking, too.
d) Resist the temptation to protect your kids from negative consequences.  Don't coddle
    them or they will feel that they don't have to think for themselves.  You have done it all
    for them!

WHAT TO DO:

Together with your children:

a) Identify the issue, then offer three or four alternatives and potential consequences.  Help
    them choose the best alternative.  Evaluate the decision once in place and change tack if
    necessary towards a more successful conclusion.

b) As they become more confident, get them to define the issue, suggest alternatives and
    potential consequences and then merely guide them through the best option.

    Note: When looking at alternative solutions, remember to think outside the box.
 
    For example, if Johnny is having an issue with Freddie at school being unkind or rude to him,
    suggest he think about what might be going on in Freddie's life right now.  The solution might
    not be to tackle Freddie outright, but to offer friendship.

    Another example might be: Susan is being pressured by her friends to go on a new extreme
    diet with them.  The diet is controversial and some girls have become obsessed with it and
    many have fallen prey to eating disorders.  Open up a discussion and let her see how she might
    approach her friends with a different angle.  She might say that 'stick skinny' is not healthy and
    she loves her figure with it's adequate body mass and well-muscled proportions.

c) Allow kids to brainstorm without commenting on their initial ideas.  If their comments seem odd
    to you ask later what they meant by that and don't criticize the comment or they might clam up. 
    Just allow the ideas to flow first without comment.  Be sure you write down all the brainstorming
    comments before getting them to examine each idea.

d) Allow mistakes in judgment to be made at first and keep the experience light and fun or they might
    not want to try the brainstorming/critical thinking exercise again.


There are a great number of resources on the Internet for helping kids problem solve.  I just wish I had
learned years ago to get answers to problems by thinking completely outside the box.

Suggested resource:
http://www.scholastic.com/teachers/article/how-you-can-help-children-solve-problems

Written by Sally and Brian Burgess, Forefront Families LLC