Before you can create boundaries, kids need to know exactly what behavior you expect from them. It is just like making a cake. You put in all the ingredients and as long as you follow the instructions, the cake should turn out well. If you throw the mixture on a flat sheet, it will run all over the sides and there will be a terrible mess to clean up. The sides of the pan equate to the boundaries. The consequences (overflow) will occur without fail, if you don't make your boundaries clear.
So what do you do?
- Model the behaviors you want your children to follow
- Explain and train them on how to achieve your expectations e.g. "respect in our house means ...."
- Praise them well for exhibiting great behavior
- Clearly state the boundaries for each requirement e.g. "disrespect is saying hurtful things to one another"
- Create consequences for overstepping boundaries and tell your children what they will be PRIOR to issuing them.
- Be consistent in your praise as well as your consequences.
Knowing your expectations, where the boundaries are and the consequences of breaching those boundaries, causes children to make choices. They know your response to positive behavior and also your response to negative behavior. They choose obedience or disobedience. An invaluable lesson throughout life.
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